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00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:02,170
EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS
CLOSED CAPTIONED

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("Freeway of Love"
by Aretha Franklin playing)

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00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:05,106
CHRIS ROCK:
From the time I was young,

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00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:08,576
the thing I dreamt
most about was cars.

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Even though I couldn't drive,

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00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:13,481
I always imagined what kind
of car I would get if I could.

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Drew and I used
to pretend every car

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00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:17,118
that came down the street
was ours.

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My red.

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Oh, that's my green.

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Mine.

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* Freeway of love...

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Nah, you can
have that one.

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When I got older, I was always
asking my dad to let me drive.

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Hey, Dad, can I drive?

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And he always said
the same thing.

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Drive?

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Sure, you can drive...
as soon as you turn 16,

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go to driver's ed.,
get a driver's license,

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graduate from
high school,

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get a job, get out of my house,
get a car, get insurance.

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Yeah, then you can drive
anytime you want.

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He could have just said no.

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* In my pink Cadillac...

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Hey, Dad.

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It's street cleaning today.

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I hate having
to move this car all the time.

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Even though he always said no,
I had to ask.

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Can I do it?

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No, you don't know how
to drive, Chris.

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Yeah, I do.
You know how to drive?

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Yeah.
Okay, let's see.

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Having a steering wheel
in my hand

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was one of the most amazing
feelings I had ever had,

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right behind my first kiss,
which hadn't happened yet.

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Okay, now put the car
in "R."

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I got it.

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Okay.

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* We're going riding
on the freeway of love *

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* Wind against my back

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* We're going riding
on the freeway of love *

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* In my pink Cadillac

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Wow, you really can drive.

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I learned from
watching you.

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* Freeway of love...
It was just a few feet,

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but they were the most exciting
feet I had ever experienced.

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:
Wait, wait... h-help.

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Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

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CHRIS ROCK:
Moving my dad's car on
street cleaning day was great.

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Sometimes they even cleaned
the street.

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Only one thing
would have made it better.

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Chris, I'm tired.

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Can you move the car
across the street

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before you go to school?

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Yeah.

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You think you can
do it without me?

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Really?

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If you can't feel
you're ready...

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No, n-no, n-no,
I got it.

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Good, and make sure you
put on your seat belt.

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I will.

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And don't touch my mirrors.
I won't.

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Don't move my seat.
Okay.

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Warm up the engine.
Right.

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And don't go
burning up gas.

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I'm just moving the car
across the street.

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That's three cents
worth of gas.

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By the time this checklist
was over,

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I had had a license, a diploma,

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and had made
my third appearance

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on Showtime At The Apollo.

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Hurry up or you'll
be late for school.

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My father's trust made me feel
like a man... and so did this.

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Hey, Chris.
You driving now?

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Yeah, so if you ever
need a ride someplace,

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just let me know.

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Especially if that someplace
is across the street.

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Well, maybe we could take
a ride after school.

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Maybe.

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Look, I got to go,
I don't want to hit traffic.

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At that moment,
I had a decision to make:

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drive across the street
and look like a fool

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or drive around the corner
and feel real cool.

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If Greg were here,
he'd say I was in there.

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Okay.

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Here you go, Julius,
here's your breakfast.

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Julius, wake up.

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What are you still doing here?

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:
I got to go to court.

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I got a speeding ticket.

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My mother had her own style
of driving called

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The Fast and The Furious:
Bed-Stuy Drift.

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Move out the way.

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Car doesn't move
the way it used to.

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Whoo!

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I told you about speeding.

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Now you have to spend
a whole day off from work

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just to pay
a ticket.

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I'm not paying the ticket
because I wasn't speeding.

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Cop gives me a
ticket for doing 32

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in a 25.

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Who does 32 in a 25?

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If I'm gonna speed, I'm gonna
do 30 miles over the limit,

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not seven.

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Drew, Tonya,
come on, let's go.

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How come y'all ain't
at school?

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School is closed for
teachers' records' day.

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Yeah, and Mama's
making us go with her

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so we don't disturb you
while you sleep.

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See you.

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My mother always thought
the worst would happen

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if my father didn't get
enough sleep.

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While my mother got ready
to challenge the law,

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I was still breaking it.

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Hey, little dude from
across the street!

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Check you out, man.

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I didn't know you knew
how to drive.

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I'm just moving my dad's car
for street cleaning.

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Well, you look a little stiff
in there, little dude.

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See, man,
you got to cop a lean,

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pop your collar up
a little bit.

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I'll show you.

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Another thing I learned
about cars

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is that it's not always
what you drive,

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it's how you drive it.

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* Yo, yo...

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Pop this up some like this.

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Now go ahead
and lean.

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* I'm big and bad...

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Man, come--
lean, man.

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Man, get low.

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Yeah.

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I can't see
nothing.

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But you look good,
though.

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I got to get to school.

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Man, come on, let's go.

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You can't see me, but take
my word for it: I look cool.

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While I was on the road,

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my mother was getting
the runaround.
Just be quiet.

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Boy, don't get on
my last nerve today.

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Uh, excuse me, miss,

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could you tell me
when my case is up?

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Let's see.

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You're case number 89

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and as soon
as this one ends,

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we're moving on
to case number... two.

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Number two?!

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What are you
talking about?!

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Excuse me, uh, ma'am.

150
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Could you maintain decorum
and observe complete silence

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while this court
is in session?

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Thank you.

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WOMAN:
That way.
What's he talking about?

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Come on.

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Meanwhile, Jerome had me
driving like he was Miss Daisy.

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Just a little bit
further, man.

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I need to get the car parked
so I can go to school.

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Where do you
need to go?
Right here,
right here, little dude.

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This is my stop.

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Thanks, little dude.

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Ah, man.

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What's wrong with you?

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I'm gonna be
late for school

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'cause I missed my bus and I
still haven't parked the car.

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Look, man, just relax,
all right, little dude.

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It's a spot
right over there.

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I can't park there.

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I'm 50 blocks from my house.

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You got the car.

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Why don't you drive to school?

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Because it'll be
the last ride I ever take.

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Because I'm not
supposed to be driving.

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I'm supposed
to be parking.

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Plus, I don't even
have my license.

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Well, I'm just saying

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if you doing something you
ain't supposed to be doing,

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you might as well do
something you supposed to do.

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Sounds crazy, makes sense.

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I guess.

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Hey, you think you could
stop by and pick me up

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on your way home from school?

182
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No!

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All right.

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Let me hold a dollar;
I need bus fare.

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What about my gas money
to bring you here?

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Thanks, little dude.

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Remember what I showed you.

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I was supposed to park
across the street,

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but now I was
on the highway to Hell.

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Even though I was scared
out of my wits,

191
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there was something
about driving

192
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that made me feel like
the coolest kid in the world.

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* Yeah, oh.

194
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And the only thing cooler
than driving to school

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was pulling up in front of it.

196
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:26,146
Whoa, Chris, is that you?

197
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,582
I always suspected you were
held back a couple of years,

198
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:29,783
but I didn't know
you could drive.

199
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:32,085
When'd you get
your license?

200
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,587
I don't have my license.

201
00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:34,722
What are you
doing driving

202
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:35,889
and where'd you get a car?

203
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:37,591
It's my dad's car.

204
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What are you doing with it?

205
00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:40,894
Moving it to the other
side of the street.

206
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,663
Or the other side
of the borough.

207
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:43,664
Cool.

208
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,633
This is totally
off the hook.

209
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:46,867
Greg was actually the first one

210
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,602
to use that phrase
and eventually went on

211
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:50,571
to teach Snoop "shizzle" talk.

212
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,239
Well, aren't you afraid
your dad might find out?

213
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,774
He's a pretty hard sleeper.

214
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,109
As long as I'm back by 5:00,
I think I should be okay.

215
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:59,012
The truth was my father
could sleep through anything.

216
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,514
* Fire...

217
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:02,115
There we go.

218
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,817
Hey, wake up, man!

219
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:05,853
Wake up,
the whole place is on fire!

220
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,621
We got to get
out of here now!

221
00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:08,722
Wake up!

222
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,290
Hey, fellas, get out!

223
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,258
The place
is burning down!

224
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,259
Get out!

225
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,227
When the other
kids see this,

226
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,863
we are going
to be so in there.

227
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,832
Greg, you can't tell
anyone about this.

228
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:21,669
If a teacher finds out and
calls my dad, I'm dead,

229
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:23,637
so you can't say
anything to anyone.

230
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:25,272
Your secret's safe with me.

231
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:26,874
No, it's not.

232
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:29,009
Oh, hey, Chris,

233
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:31,078
I heard you got your father's
deuce and a quarter.

234
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,279
Cool.

235
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:36,550
Hey, Malcolm Racer X, I heard
you got your father's hooptie.

236
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:37,685
Cool.

237
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:41,021
Hey, Chris, I heard
you've got a father.

238
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,522
Cool.

239
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:47,828
Greg, I thought I told you not
to tell anybody about the car.

240
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,296
Now the whole school knows.

241
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:51,131
I'm sorry, man.

242
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,634
You've got a car
and I know you.

243
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,670
That's the closest thing I've
ever gotten to being cool.

244
00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:57,938
You know Jennifer Thompson?

245
00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,873
Yeah, so?

246
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:02,576
Well, every time I'm around
her, I get tongue-tied,

247
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:04,177
and I finally had something
worth saying to her.

248
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,213
That I had my father's car?

249
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,514
And that I'm riding shotgun.

250
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:11,685
If I had had a shotgun, Greg
would be riding in the trunk.

251
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,320
Case number seven.

252
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,188
Ma, I'm hungry.

253
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,256
Me, too.

254
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,691
Oh, I knew
y'all would say that.

255
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:18,826
I got a snack.

256
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:21,261
Here, we'll just open
these chips and,

257
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,697
and we gonna eat some chip...
Ma'am, you have been warned,

258
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,332
already,
for making too much noise.

259
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,635
I'm sorry, Judge.

260
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,669
I got hungry kids
over here.

261
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,704
We're just having
a little snack, that's all.

262
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:33,874
Well, why don't you try
and have it quietly?

263
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:37,244
:
I'll chew quiet.

264
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,679
Ma, I'm thirsty.

265
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:39,546
Yeah, so am I.

266
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,716
Mm, Drew, go look
for a vending machine

267
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,151
and bring us back a soda.
Okay.

268
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,854
JUDGE:
Guilty.

269
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,356
20 days, $200 fine.

270
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,858
For a parking ticket?

271
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,159
$350!

272
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,360
Ooh.
My mother found out

273
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,629
that judge was a hard case.

274
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,097
So your left
taillight was out?

275
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,632
Ah...

276
00:09:58,666 --> 00:09:59,867
10 years.

277
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,368
ROCHELLE:
10 years?!
Move it.

278
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,036
Did you hear that?
Move it, paisan.

279
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,705
Unless you had soft curves.

280
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:05,906
Guilty.

281
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,408
Six months house arrest.

282
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,409
What?!

283
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,344
:
At my house.

284
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,345
Oh, okay.

285
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:13,346
Okay.

286
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,082
Yeah, yeah.

287
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,650
Hey, get that number.

288
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:19,219
She better hope
his wife ain't home.

289
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:21,288
Girl, they got you
for speeding, too?

290
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,423
You don't look like nothing
on you goes fast.

291
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,092
I told you this
was gonna be big.

292
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,027
Hey, Chris.

293
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,428
Can we sit in your car?

294
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,831
Yeah, why not.

295
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,666
Because they're underage.

296
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,034
Oh, wait... so was I.

297
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,402
Ooh, can we turn on the radio?

298
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,370
Yeah, Chris,
turn on the radio.

299
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,840
I had broken every rule
my father had given me.

300
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,241
But since I had the car,

301
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:43,744
there was no reason
not to take advantage of it.

302
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:46,446
Especially since all I had
to do was let it sit there.

303
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,315
Hey, Chris,

304
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,850
can you take us
for a ride?

305
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,753
While I was finding out

306
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:53,887
what cars do for guys,

307
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:57,124
my mother was finding out
what guys do for girls.

308
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,259
Your Honor,
I clocked her doing 62

309
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,161
in a 55.

310
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,796
It also says here
that you crashed

311
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,131
into the side of a building,

312
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,067
destroyed four parked cars,
drove through a pond...

313
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:11,138
and parked by a fire hydrant?

314
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,974
I throw myself onto
the mercy of the court.

315
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,176
I deserve to be punished.

316
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,779
Don't be so hard on yourself.

317
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,714
You know, I don't really
think you intended

318
00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:24,051
to go 62 in a 55.

319
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,754
The judge is trying
to go 47 in a 22.

320
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,756
JUDGE:
I tell you what
I'm gonna do,

321
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,458
I'm gonna let you off
with just a warning, okay?

322
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,293
And I hope

323
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:35,763
that you've learned
your lesson.

324
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,130
Go on. Llámame.

325
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:39,499
Disgusting.

326
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,835
Yeah, I know
I learned my lesson.

327
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,771
Next time I'm gonna come
in a tighter dress

328
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,105
and a low cut top.

329
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:45,906
Who said that?

330
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,741
Bailiff,

331
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:49,309
get granny up out of here.

332
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,211
Come on, granny, get your
butt up out of here.
Sorry.

333
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,913
No, you got to go. Shh.

334
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:54,915
Shh.

335
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:57,751
Momma, what's taking
Drew so long?

336
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:58,919
I don't know.

337
00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:00,754
Let me go find him.
You stay here.

338
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,856
If they call 89,
tell 'em to wait.

339
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:04,257
Open the door.

340
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,493
While my mother was creeping
out of court,

341
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:07,928
back on the street,
I was rollin'.

342
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,863
* The wall cave in,
the bass makes... *

343
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:12,299
It's a shame the white kids
have more rhythm than me.

344
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,501
* ...my ride,
yes the front and back *

345
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:16,536
* You would think it was
a party, not a Cadillac *

346
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,840
* Cos I drive up to the ave
with the windows closed *

347
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:22,542
* And my bass is so loud
it could rip your clothes *

348
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,078
* My stereo's thumpin'
like a savage beast *

349
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:28,115
* The level on my power meter
will not decrease... *

350
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,822
What's wrong?

351
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,123
Everything.

352
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:39,126
I'm just glad we're in Brooklyn
and not Alabama.

353
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,866
I learned all kinds of things
about driving a car

354
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,868
but not a single thing
about fixing 'em.

355
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,202
Maybe it's just
out of gas.

356
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,370
It's not out of gas.

357
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:51,571
Maybe the battery's dead.

358
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,206
Great, then we could
have a double funeral.

359
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,241
I think I know somebody

360
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,876
who might be able
to help us.

361
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,915
The janitor?

362
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:03,917
The janitor was the one person
at Corleone

363
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:05,418
that everybody knew.

364
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,020
But nobody knew anything about.

365
00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:09,923
I heard he did a kid a favor
once... for five bucks.

366
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,324
What type of favor?

367
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:18,431
Next time, kid,
study for your test.

368
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,404
Hey.

369
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,406
Hey.

370
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,175
I know you.

371
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:29,542
You're that black kid.

372
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:31,544
Chris.

373
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:32,913
Yeah.

374
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,915
So, can you do me a favor?

375
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,150
Well, that depends.

376
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:39,086
Got five bucks?

377
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:44,524
With Drew running loose in
a building full of courtrooms,

378
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,426
my mother was imagining
the worst.

379
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:49,496
I find the Defendant guilty
of being a black teenager

380
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,498
in a court of law.

381
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,600
I didn't do it, Mom.

382
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,468
Hey, Mom.

383
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,904
Drew, where have
you been?

384
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,238
I just made ten dollars.

385
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,307
Some guy just paid me
to pee in a cup.

386
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,209
Boy, give me that money!

387
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,911
Don't you know that's
against the law.

388
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:04,611
Not technically.

389
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:05,879
And you were
supposed to be

390
00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:06,679
getting soda--
where's the soda?

391
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,615
I had to drink them
so I could pee.

392
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,850
You have to spend money
to make money.

393
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,622
Try now, Chris.

394
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,391
All right, you fixed it.

395
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,893
No problem.

396
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,962
That'll be five bucks.

397
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:22,963
I already gave you five.

398
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,597
That was for the favor.

399
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:26,633
This is to keep
my mouth shut.

400
00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:32,039
Nice doing business with you.

401
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,609
OFFICER:
And as he pulled away from
the curb, Your Honor,

402
00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:38,145
he made a three
lane change

403
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,679
and then proceeded
to make a U-turn

404
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,048
in a business
district.

405
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,115
Excuse me.

406
00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:43,350
Did you see
my little girl?

407
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,352
Yeah, she stepped out.

408
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,353
Stepped out?

409
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,587
What do you mean
stepped out?

410
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,056
She's just
a little girl.
Whoa, whoa.

411
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,058
You're the one that
left her here.

412
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,260
Did you just
"whoa" me?

413
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,363
Look, Drew,
just stay here.

414
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,530
If they call
number 89

415
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,566
just tell them
to wait, okay?

416
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,005
Tonya!

417
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,473
I thought I told you
to stay put.

418
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:07,574
I had to go.

419
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:08,708
You have a lovely
daughter.

420
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,310
Thank you.

421
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,145
Momma, she's
on trial, too.

422
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:13,646
I'll bet she is, baby,
come on.

423
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,015
Hey!

424
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:16,383
I got a speeding
ticket.

425
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,717
Well, I got a speeding
ticket, too.

426
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,586
For going seven miles
over the speed limit.

427
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:20,954
Can you believe that?

428
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:21,721
That's not even speeding.

429
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,723
I said the same
thing, girl.

430
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,058
It's all right.

431
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,659
I'll pay the fine.

432
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:28,295
I'm just glad they
didn't check my trunk.

433
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:29,729
'Cause if they found
my guns and drugs,

434
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,164
I would of been
in trouble.

435
00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:32,632
Okay.

436
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,001
Uh, well, you take care.

437
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,003
Congratulations.
Bye.

438
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,037
Nice talking
to you.
Okay.

439
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,239
You too, baby.
Tell the streets
we said hello.

440
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,274
Case number 89.

441
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,114
Case number 89!

442
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,016
Ooh, 89, that's me.
Here sit down.

443
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,084
Didn't I tell you to tell me
when it's gonna happen.

444
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,420
JUDGE:
Oh... you.

445
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:54,754
Officer,

446
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,057
tell me what
happened.
Yes, Your Honor.

447
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,026
Uh, on the date
in question,

448
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:00,560
I clocked
the defendant here,

449
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:02,495
doing 32 miles an hour
in a 25

450
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,264
mile an hour
zone.
Mmm.

451
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,733
And when I approached
the vehicle, she unleashed

452
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,468
a torrent
of obscenities

453
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:10,103
and I, honestly, I was
personally offended.

454
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:10,737
What?!

455
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,739
Ma'am.
Oh.

456
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:14,174
Your highness...

457
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,176
Your Honor, ma'am.

458
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,011
Oh, I'm sorry,
Your Honor.

459
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:22,149
Now, I know the officer
may have clocked me doing 32,

460
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:23,283
but I know
I wasn't.

461
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,285
Yes, so let me get
this straight--

462
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,287
you want me to take your word

463
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,456
versus the word of a sworn
officer of the law.

464
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,191
Yes.

465
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,193
Okay, do you have
any other witnesses?

466
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,762
Nope.

467
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,397
Nope.
Guilty.

468
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:38,465
Okay, wait, wait,

469
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,200
in-in that,
in that case...

470
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,435
I-I, I'm throwing myself

471
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:45,072
at, at, at the mercy
of the court.

472
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:46,739
I have been

473
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:49,142
such a very bad girl and,

474
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:52,045
and, and I deserve
to be punished.

475
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:53,146
Ow.

476
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,647
I know this.

477
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:55,782
That's what I'm doing.

478
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,585
50 days or $50.

479
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:00,253
No, come on,
Judge!

480
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,089
I, okay, okay, wait, wait, wait.

481
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,723
I-I-I promise you
I wasn't speeding.

482
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:08,328
Ma'am, everyone who came in here
today said the same thing.

483
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,097
Whether they
were going 32

484
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:13,066
in a 25 or 37 in a 30

485
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,068
or a 62 in a 55.

486
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:15,835
"I wasn't guilty,"

487
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,737
"I didn't see
the sign!"

488
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,106
"I'm a law abiding citizen!"

489
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,340
"I didn't do nothing wrong!"

490
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,375
Did you just hear yourself?

491
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:23,543
Wait, wait a minute.

492
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,545
Did, did it ever occur to you

493
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,548
that everybody
that came in here today

494
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:30,217
just so happened

495
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:33,586
to be going seven miles exactly
over the speed limit.

496
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,422
Not two,
not ten

497
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:36,389
not 12,

498
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:39,192
but one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.

499
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,193
Seven, everybody.

500
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,694
Officer,

501
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,597
do you have the calibration
report for your radar gun

502
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:45,765
on the day in question?

503
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,500
Uh...

504
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,536
no I don't.
Mmm.

505
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,174
Case dismissed.

506
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:55,708
Aw.
Ha! Yes!

507
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,210
In your face!

508
00:17:57,877 --> 00:17:59,779
Five! Gimme five!

509
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:02,115
Silence!

510
00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:03,516
Hey!
Woo!

511
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:04,751
I'm sorry.
This is a
courtroom!

512
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:06,219
I'm sorry.
Not an end zone.

513
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:07,454
I'm sorry, Your highness,
Your Honor.

514
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,156
And for your little dance,

515
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,757
I fine you in contempt of court.

516
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,259
That will be $80, please.

517
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:14,261
Damn it!

518
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:17,330
After a day behind
the wheel of a car,

519
00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:19,832
I had been popular,
I had been terrified,

520
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,135
and I was ready
to get back on the bus.

521
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,872
Oh, no.

522
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,778
Hey, kid!

523
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,780
Hey!

524
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,782
A little young to be
driving, ain't you?

525
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:38,618
I'm just listening to
the radio, officer.

526
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:41,254
There's only one reason
the police in Brooklyn

527
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:44,591
would pass up the chance
to bust a black kid in a car,

528
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,759
two black kids in a car.

529
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:53,800
How'd it go in court?

530
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:54,834
I won.

531
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,836
Just like I told you
I would, Julius.

532
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,205
You did?
Mm-hmm.

533
00:18:58,238 --> 00:18:59,239
I told you I wasn't speeding.

534
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,174
I proved my case.

535
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:04,811
Then she got fined $80
for contempt of court

536
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,213
for doing a victory dance.

537
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,780
Did anybody ask you that?

538
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,716
My dad was barely
done lying down

539
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:10,950
when I started lining it up.

540
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,185
Hey, Chris,

541
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:12,919
any problem moving the car?

542
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,321
No, it moved fine.

543
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,855
No trouble finding a spot?

544
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:16,956
No, it was simple.

545
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,191
Aah.

546
00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:19,226
Well, thanks.

547
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:20,327
You really helped me out.

548
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,295
After all that had happened,

549
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:24,864
I kept thinking about
how my dad had trusted me.

550
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:27,334
Even though I had managed
to get the car back home

551
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,601
without him knowing,

552
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:31,938
it seemed like the right thing
to do was tell the truth.

553
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:33,240
Dad?

554
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:34,241
Yeah, son.

555
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,942
I have a confession.

556
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,544
I drove your car
to school today.

557
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:40,213
You what?

558
00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:41,548
I'm sorry.

559
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:42,782
I really am.

560
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:45,318
Son, I'm very
disappointed in you.

561
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,620
But as long as you're safe...

562
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:50,223
that's all that really matters.

563
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:51,691
Thanks, Dad.

564
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:53,960
But one more thing...

565
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,328
Yes, Dad?

566
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,832
Since I got the car home
and nobody got hurt,

567
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:02,702
I figured the best thing to do
was to keep it to myself

568
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:05,238
and never do anything
like that again.

569
00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:06,373
ALL:
Amen.

570
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:07,807
Well...

571
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,876
well, next Friday, Chris,
I'll let you move it again.

572
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,844
Cool.
Where'd you park it?

573
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:13,980
Across the street.

574
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,022
* Everybody hates Chris.

575
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:26,259
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